10 signs you might be half crunchy

Am I alone here?  I can’t be the only one who is mostly committed to doing things naturally, to reducing my carbon footprint or whatevertheheck that is.  I can’t be the only person alive who has pondered a self-sufficient lifestyle while Pinteresting my life away on that fancy phone.  Please tell me you might be half crunchy, too!  Below, I’ve listed some behaviors that indicate a half crunchy lifestyle.  Don’t be ashamed!

  1. You recycle #allthethings (think Ziploc bags, people), but use disposable diapers.  Or, you cloth diaper your little baby booties, but who has time to rinse out and recycle that container of fresh squeezed orange juice?
  2. You make your own baby food.  While scarfing down Cheetos.
  3. Your flowers are all dead–why be a water waster?
  4. You have an addiction to essential oils and tiny glass containers, and a big, cardboard,willprobablyendupinadump box arrives at your door monthly (weekly? daily? I heart Amazon Prime) so you can make your own toxin-free stain remover.  Ugh, do you know how bad those store-bought cleaners are for the environment?
  5. Your yoga pants are actually used for yoga.  They are made of organic cotton and threads of pure spun gold, apparently.
  6. It pains you to walk by the styrofoam egg cartons at the grocery store.
  7. Coke? Why don’t you just offer me liver disease? Ugh.  Diet Cherry Limeade? You are too sweet, thank you!
  8. Backyard garden fresh veggies make you swell with pride.  They will go great with that mac & cheese dinner.  Whole grain, duh.
  9. Dry skin?  Coconut oil.  Headache?  Coconut oil.  Zombie apocalypse?  Coconut oil.
  10. You side-eye the sunscreen Alex’s mom tries to hand you at the pool party (hello, it is full of toxic chemicals, how can you put this on your angel baby?).  You then serve your sweet pea her second helping of pizza and cake.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, being half crunchy means you are one big ol’ oxymoron most of the time.  Maybe it means we are hypocrites to live this way, and maybe we are a work in progress.  Either way, we are pretty entertaining.